So, the quest for relocation can now officially begin. My wife just couldn't wait. I guess she was excited with anticipation and wanted to get a head start so she has already moved out. Interestingly enough, the day she moved out was the day the eventual buyers first walked through the house. I'm not saying that there is a correlation but I can't help but wonder. Hopefully, her life is happier now.
It has occurred to me that, for the first time in what seems like my whole life, I can go anywhere I want to go and do anything that pleases me and only me, however difficult and complicated that might be due to my disability. That feels pretty weird, yet pretty liberating as well. I have spent forever always trying to please someone else and now I don’t have to do that anymore. I think that, for all those years, I had it all wrong. I think that the peace and happiness of life is a journey that becomes successful and worthwhile, not because of pleasing each other but because of sharing it together. When one takes charge and overshadows the other by setting the standards even to the point of demanding adherence, it ceases to be a sharing experience and a void of resentment is formed. Even in these first few weeks of my newly acquired independence I have begun to recognize and acknowledge that I have a responsibility to myself to do what is right. I now am “self-obligated” to answer to “me” and I actually find myself feeling like going to church and trying to do the right things. But then again… maybe I’m just lonely!
For the most part, I'm going to miss this place while, at the same time, there are some memories I can't wait to put behind me. I'll never forget the sensation after first moving here back in 1986. It was so long ago. I was driving down the lane on my way home after work for the first time. I rounded the corner and the property came into view and I had to stop the truck. It was a hot August evening and I could see my children playing in the yard... their young voices shrill with contentment. They always seemed to relax at the top of their lungs. As expected, Chris was halfway up a tree with a board, hammer, and nails in hand with Cameron not far below giving directions to keep the board level. Several more were bouncing on the trampoline as the woods did their best to damper the volume of the noisy irreverence. Another was busily trying to teach the dog to fetch. Candy (the dog) came with the purchase. She probably already knew how to fetch but was either already worn out by the kid’s rambunctiousness or old enough that she just didn't care to do that anymore.
I sat there for probably 10 minutes, soaking in the aroma of pine trees... the sounds of excitement... the scenery before me. I was consumed by an overflowing tide of emotion that I have felt from that same spot in the lane countless times since. It was an overpowering feeling of confidence and reassurance that everything was Ok and life was good… a kind of “goodnight-mama-goodnight-John-Boy” sort of a feeling.
I’ve had similar experiences regarding the boat. I used to keep it at a moorage that had high banks and a long ramp down to the docks. After parking the truck and on my way down the ramp, I would have to stop and eye the Turtle below me. She seemed so perky and beautiful… impatiently pulling at her dock-lines as though wishing for me to hurry. I know that there were many other boats parked nearby but I never was inclined to see any of them. We have spent many times together when the wind howled and the seas threatened but I always felt reassurance and confidence that she would bring me home safely. And when she did, I would have to stop on my way up the ramp and soak in one more parting look to keep my memory rejuvenated until I returned for the next adventure.
Well, this old house has certainly been an adventure and the realization of my wanderlust dream certainly promises to be adventurous as well. Anticipation is a marvelous motivator. Just ask my wife!
